Healthy Communication

Good communication requires being able to express your needs and wants as well as being able to understand the other person’s perspective.

Guidelines for Listening

• Be an active listener -attend verbally and non-verbally
• Listen to understand, rather than to respond
• Provide empathy
• Ask questions when you do not understand
• Concentrate on what the person is saying
• Use “I” statements when responding and communicating

Barriers to Listening

• Advice-Giving
• Moralizing or Judging
• Interrupting
• Psychologizing or Psychoanalyzing.
• Taking Over.
• Going Off on Tangents.
• Scapegoating
• Competition
• Blaming
• Mr. or Ms. Perfect
• Defensiveness

How to say no/or ask for what you need

• Use “I” statements instead of “You” -> Non offensive (see below for example)
• State how YOU feel about it (hurt, angry, etc.).
• Briefly state the specific event/situation & how it affects you.
• Say no respectfully or ask for what you need.
• State how this will also help the other person or the relationship.
• Make eye contact, stay calm.
• Be open to the other person’s perspective.
• Negotiate IF appropriate.

How to be Assertive

Practice using this formula:

“I feel________”(taking responsibility for one’s feelings)

“when you_____”(stating the behavior that it is a problems)

“because_____”(what it is about the behavior or its consequences that one  objects to)

“I would appreciate it if you______”(offering a preferable solution)

Resources:

Short Video Assertive Communication and Boundary Setting with Lindsey Gerard, LLMSW