Feb. 13, 2007 issue
Campus couples can make relationships work

By Jill Day-Foley

 

Valentine's Day is upon us. Offices are decorated. Cards and candy spill forth in shopping aisles. Jewelers and lingerie retailers buy all of the available airtime on radio and television. This is the holiday for couples.

But what happens if one is single, working long hours, and is tired of looking for love in all of the seemingly wrong places? What do you do then? Where can one find romance?

A BALANCED LIFE: Karen and (far right) Michael Paciorek both work at Eastern Michigan University. They are one of a number of married couples on campus that have managed to balance their relationship and their work lives. Darryl Sczepanski, vice president for advancement and executive director of the EMU Foundation, also is pictured.

Despite the adage of not mixing business with pleasure, people are seeking or finding love in the workplace. According to a CareerBuilder.com's survey, about half of workers polled say they've dated a co-worker.

"It's an area that is and isn't addressed by the University policy," said Douglas Bunce, an Eastern Michigan University human resource generalist. "It's partially covered. If you are talking about an instructor-(student) or supervisor-subordinate relationship, the Sexual Harassment and Other Prohibited Conduct Policy covers it. (Such relationships are not allowed.) If you are talking about colleagues, the advice would be to use caution and discretion."

The University policy specifically states: "It is the policy of Eastern Michigan University to provide an educational, employment and business environment free of unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct or communications constituting sexual harassment, as defined and otherwise prohibited by state and federal statutes." The policy covers University faculty, staff and students as well as non-University employees and guests doing business or providing services on campus (e.g., contractors, vendors, delivery persons, etc.).

"Office romances can be very disruptive in the workplace, especially when they go bad," said Perry C. Francis, associate professor in the College of Education and a counselor in the Counseling Clinic. "For example, in an average relationship, couples have friends who, if that couple breaks up or goes through a bad period, feel almost obligated to take sides. Think of how much more difficult it is on all parties if this happens in the workplace.

"Any time people are emotionally intimate, they are more vulnerable," Francis continued. "When relationships go bad, particularly in the workplace, it leaves people feeling exposed."

Sometimes, as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

"Although my wife and I had been married about three or four years when we came to EMU, we rarely see each other on campus," Michael Paciorek, a professor in the School of Health Promotion and Human Performance, said of his relationship with spouse, Karen, a professor of teacher education with a focus of early childhood education. "Our schedules are such that she's currently on sabbatical working hard on her projects, and with my recent move to athletics, we only see each other at home and that's time we both look forward to."

"Looking at the other side, office romances can be tremendously positive," said Francis. "The key is that they have to be handled appropriately."

Transparency is critical, Francis said, to prevent feelings of alienation or discrimination among co-workers, particularly if one member of a couple is in a decision-making position.

"It needs to be very clear why the decisions that are made are taking place," he said.

If one member of the couple makes a decision that promotes or positively affects the other (in a non-supervisory capacity), everyone needs to see why that decision was made — qualifications and skills required for a position, an open comparison with other candidates, etc. — are all things that need to occur so feelings of suspicion and favoritism among fellow employees are not fostered.

But what happens when you have two single, available people who can't help but notice an attraction when they see each other in the stairwell, at the vending machine or the water cooler?

According to Forbes.com, there are seven rules for office romance:

First, do a double take. Workplace dating isn't easy and, as most agree, caution is the first order of the day. Ask yourself, "Am I really into this person?" If the answer is "No" or "Not really," it's best to move on to different dating venues.

ROMANCE IN THE WORKPLACE: Forbes.com has offered a list of seven rules for office romance.

Take it slow. Develop a genuine friendship first. You both can better view the person rather than the attraction and increase your certainty about pursuing the relationship.

Discuss "what if...?" Let's face it, most relationships will end in a break-up. Have open, honest discussion about how you'll handle working together or moving on professionally if a potential romance ends. Set some boundaries.

Honesty is the best policy. Although most office romances attempt to stay hidden, they're usually discovered. Secrecy damages trust with other co-workers and is bad for business.

Be discreet. Keep your relationship as professional as possible during the workday.

Maintain balance. You may be dating one of your colleagues, but you're still working with many more. Be equally generous and caring with everyone. Hold your significant other to the same standards as everyone else. Enjoy activities away from the office and, sometimes, each other.

Next steps. Decide whether to pursue the relationship or end it. Although work may bring you together, it will take much more for you to stay together. If you decide to part ways, show some consideration for the other person and your respective positions.