Resolving Conflict One-on-One

  • Talk with the other person
    • Ask the other person when it would be convenient to meet
    • Arrange to meet in a place where you won't be interrupted
  • Focus on behavior and events
    • Say “When this happens...” instead of “When you do..."
    • Describe a specific instance or event instead of generalizing
  • Listen carefully
    • Listen to what the other person is saying instead of preparing to react
    • Avoid interrupting the other person
    • After the other person finishes speaking, rephrase what was said to make sure you understand it
    • Ask questions to clarify your understanding
  • Identify where you agree and disagree
    • Summarize the areas of agreement and disagreement
    • Ask if he or she agrees with your assessment
    • Modify your assessment until you both agree on areas of conflict
  • Prioritize the areas of conflict
    • Discuss which areas of conflict are most important to each of you to resolve
  • Develop a plan to work on each
    • Focus on the future
    • Set up future meeting times to continue your important discussions
  • Follow up on your plan
    • Stick with the discussions until you’ve worked through each area of conflict
    • Maintain a collaborative, “let’s-work-out-a-solution” attitude
  • Build on your success
    • Look for opportunities to point out progress
    • Compliment the other person’s insights/achievements
    • Congratulate each other when you make progress, even if it’s just a small step. Your hard work will pay off when scheduled discussions eventually give way to ongoing, friendly communication.