Resolving Conflict One-on-One

• Talk with the other person
  • Ask the other person when it would be convenient to meet
  • Arrange to meet in a place where you won't be interrupted
• Focus on behavior and events
  • Say “When this happens...” instead of “When you do..."
  • Describe a specific instance or event instead of generalizing
• Listen carefully
  • Listen to what the other person is saying instead of preparing to react
  • Avoid interrupting the other person
  • After the other person finishes speaking, rephrase what was said to make sure you understand it
  • Ask questions to clarify your understanding
• Identify where you agree and disagree
  • Summarize the areas of agreement and disagreement
  • Ask if he or she agrees with your assessment
  • Modify your assessment until you both agree on areas of conflict
• Prioritize the areas of conflict
  • Discuss which areas of conflict are most important to each of you to resolve
• Develop a plan to work on each
  • Focus on the future
  • Set up future meeting times to continue your important discussions
• Follow up on your plan
  • Stick with the discussions until you’ve worked through each area of conflict
  • Maintain a collaborative, “let’s-work-out-a-solution” attitude
• Build on your success
  • Look for opportunities to point out progress
  • Compliment the other person’s insights/achievements
  • Congratulate each other when you make progress, even if it’s just a small step. Your hard work will pay off when scheduled discussions eventually give way to ongoing, friendly communication.